Belle’s Ghost Speaks

It has been over two years, my friends, and as is the case with the passage of time, things have happened.

I have two and a bit years of college behind me. I think I can safely say the secret and true goal of higher education is to tear a person’s worldview, sense of self, and self-confidence apart and make it very difficult to put back together. I don’t know if I like who I am now better than I liked who I was when I first came to college. I am less outgoing but more loyal. My creative output is less effusive but more thought out. My nights are riddled with nightmares and my days with fears and doubts.

Still, I have found so many new thoughts and so much beauty that I would never have encountered without these experiences. I feel like a ghost possessing the body of a once vibrant person, but I find joy in the haunting.



When Wonder is Lost

Wonder is not an impermanent thing.

Inside each of us resides that soft, seeking light, reaching out through our senses and connecting with its brothers and sisters, emanating from all the things around us. By its guidance we seek to unfold mysteries and bring dreams to life. This light is wonder.

Wonder is not lost all at once.

Slowly it becomes less easy to see other lights. Then, one day, you reach for your own light so you can create, and find that it has gone out.

No. It hasn’t gone out. You have built a labyrinth, with your wonder at the center, and you are lost, lost, lost. You have surrounded it with a wall of shields, spearheads glinting sharp in every opening and crevice. You have mounted curtains, sheer and delicate, around it, and they are too holy to be parted. The veil must not be lifted; the bride must not be kissed; the virgin must not make love.

Wonder is something you steal from yourself.

You realize that you can’t reach it, that barriers have been made. Without it, you can’t find the ambition to weave through the maze, battle the guard, tear the veil. You are empty and dull. All you have is routine. They say the eyes are the window to the soul. You have no eyes.

Wonder will always be there.

You have no reason for existence, but you continue to exist because it is still there, somewhere deep and dark and cold. Someday you will find it again. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Still, some day.

Belle Returns and Liebester Love

I come again!

ElectricBubbles, from Aquamarine Dreams, has nominated me for the Liebester Blog Award. And because I fail at almost all things computer, here is a big, ugly link to her wonderful blog.

First, I have to state eleven things about myself. I’ll use this as an opportunity to explain my absence and let you know what I’m up to now!

1. I am currently taking US Government, Pre-Calculus, British Literature, World History, and French in school.

2. I very recently became an official adult! All my online accounts are “changing”. It’s weird.

3. I am studying The Journey to Wholeness in Christ with my church, and of course I’m a whole week behind.

4. I have managed to be accepted into my top college, and receive nearly a full ride in scholarships and grants.

5. I have discovered a love for inking. As in, covering pencil sketches with ink. Fun!

6. I have slept and eated and read. A lot. In other words, I have done practically nothing except the above for my entire absence.

7. My precious coffee cat, Java, is very pregnant. I’m so excited!

8. All my friends are becoming world travelers. Ireland, Wales, France, Belize, some random place in Africa… I feel unworldly.

9. My strength and passion is worldbuilding. Which is why nearly all my posts in the past are on worldbuilding. Ehehe.

10. My second love is character, and as an offshoot, sneaky little romances that twist their way into the plot.

11. I think I am either really bad at plotting, or really bad at transitions. Yeah….

Now, to answer the questions!

  • Would you eat green eggs and ham? That would depend on why they were green. If the answer is mold, no. If they’re naturally green, then I’d eat the ham…but I’m not fond of eggs.
  • Would you eat them in a box and with a fox? Yeah, I’d eat them in a box. I used to have a refrigerator box house in the living room. However, I do not eat with wild animals armed with sharp teeth and claws. My dear domestics cause me enough trouble in that area in all their sweet hungry gentleness.
  • What time do you do your Bible study? About nine o’clock.
  • Turn your iPod, mp3 player, or music system on shuffle and give me the first 4 songs that pop up. Hide Your Love Away, by Anthem Lights. My Immortal, by Evanescent. Set Fire to the Rain, by Adele. Awake and Alive, by Skillet.
  • When was the last time you were told to use your “inside voice?” Er…years and years. Either I don’t talk at all or everybody is talking and nobody cares.
  • Do you find the smileys funny? (all from deviantArt)
    :iconquacksplz::iconquacksplz::iconrabbitsplz::iconrabbitsplz:Mood: Amused:happybounce::happybounce::happybounce::happybounce:JuggleTime to haul ass out of here!NuuI'm on fire!TVI've got too much work to do.Linux/UnixAhooooy Matey!Thank you! Thank you!Mood: Bliss:iconlaspinplz::typerhappy::woohoo:(see me favorite penguin? That’s Tux. I used to make pictures with him….but I improved to the wolf….) I think they’re very funny. Very cute. I LOVE THEM!!!! DAW!!!!!!
  • Have you done, and do you enjoy Contra dancing? Never touched the art. What is it, anyway! Ah, I feel my ignorance!
  • How much do you outline before you write? Depends. Sometimes a lot. Sometimes not at all. The real question is, how much do I worldbuild before I write.
  • In a portrait of the true you, what objects would you have with you? (limit four) Which objects would you be holding, which would be beside you, and which would be behind you? I’d be holding a laptop, with an easel and a half-finished watercolor beside me, and a sparkly rainbow behind me. Because that’s me… a joyful expressionist who would be lost without a “worldpool” of knowledge at my fingertips!
  • If your best friend wrote a book about you, what would it be titled? The Sound of a Smile
  • What is your favorite part about Christmas? Christmas lighting with my friends, and seeing my awesome step-cousin.


Now for my eleven questions!

1. What is your current favorite book?

2. Poetry or prose?

3. If you went to prison, would you rather wear orange or black and white stripes?

4. What would you say if you met the president?

5. Dating or courting?

6. Do you prefer The Voice or American Idol?

7. Hunger Games or Divergent?

8. What Middle Earth race would you be?

9. Would you rather have a Tardis or a wardrobe?

10. Are you a nerd or a geek?

11. Apples or bananas? Or oranges?


Now, to tag five people. I’m terrible about remembering who I’ve tagged for awards before, so, sorry if this is a repeat!


I’m Back!

Well, I have been away for quite awhile. I’m back. I’ve had the best week of my life, and I have a lot of information stuffed in my head I need to sort through.

I just got back from Worldview Academy. For those of you who know what it is, moan with envy. For everyone else…well.

It’s expensive. XD



The Liebster Blog Award


The wonderful Stephanie over at has graciously awarded me the Liebster Blog Award! Thank you sooo much, Stephanie! Her blog has posts about her life, about writing, reviews, and in general lots of encouraging words. Check it out!

As with all blog awards, the Liebster Blog Award has a few rules.

Rule #1–Thank the person who gave you the award. XD See above.

Rule #2–Paste the award on your blog.

Rule #3–Nominate a few bloggers you think are worthy of this award.

PartlyPixie has made herself an incredible challenge: write twelve novels in twelve months. She is an inspiration to me. It is so amazing to see someone who loves to write so much that they would give themselves such a difficult challenge. The most impressive part is, so far, she is sticking to it! If you struggle like I do with writing consistently, this blog will motivate you to “write yourself real”.

Erin keeps me laughing with her amusing posts and wry sense of humor. I am particularly fond of her posts detailing the problems she has with her characters…which almost always end with her calling the Character Crisis Center. Check out this blog if you need help seeing the funny side of writing.

Every time I get an email notification that Caitlyn has a new post up, my day brightens. Her posts are always interesting and informative. I love reading about her progress as a writer and her growth as a person. Caitlyn talks about all sorts of things, from the narrative style of The Book Thief to trying to write in her spare moments.


Check out all these blogs, because they are awesome!!!!!!!!!!



A Memorial

Never go camping over a weekend when you have an extremely pregnant cat. She might have her kittens in the house. Someone who didn’t know she was pregnant might let her out. She might not get back in. The kittens might die of lack of heat and starvation.

We found them in the coat closet.

I know Memorial Day is a day when we remember our troops. Both my grandfathers served in the US Navy. However, today I would like to commemorate my cats (only those who are dead, so this won’t be too long,) who have given me so much joy.


Snowflake: My first cat ever. I wanted a white cat with blue eyes, like Duchess in the Aristocats. My mom went to the store one day, and a lady was giving away free kittens. She had two left; a black and white boy, and a white girl with blue eyes. Snowflake had three kittens. She disappeared many years ago.

Buttercup: Snowflake’s oldest kitten. He was white, like his mother, with green eyes. He would jump on the piano while Mom was teaching lessons and walk across it; just like the kittens in the Aristocats (his brother would yowlsing along). He also disappeared many years ago.

Juliet: The first cat whose body was found. She was a gorgeous black, white, and orange calico. We found her stretched out on the back patio. Dead. She just lay down and died. A tip: never name your kittens Romeo and Juliet. They both died before they were six months old.

The Unnamed Three: These are the ones we found today. You already know how they died. From their coloring, it looks as though they would have grown to be seal points, like their mother, Java. We buried them in a dryer sheet box in the pet graveyard, with a flower for each one. An iris, a pink rose, and a red rose. I asked Jesus to give them to a little girl in heaven who would care for them and love them, because they didn’t get any of that here on earth. They must have been so frightened…but they’re happy now.

On a brighter note, Java has adopted one of the kittens of a stray we took in. They both seem quite happy.

God bless our troops.